The best place to start will be with my own story, I am a 21 year old female, currently in my 3rd and final year at University.
I suppose my symptoms manifested (noticeably) around 4 months ago, just before I was due to return to University after summer.
I began to experience episodes of unexplainable anxiety. It was just an overwhelmingly horrible feeling. All I felt was despair. This also came along with a constant tight feeling in my chest and panic attacks during the night. I felt like I couldn't breathe, with strong heart palpitations - which understandably made me panic even more!
This terrible feeling became constant for days, I hadn't slept at all in about a week, but I couldn't even care enough to feel tired.
After a while, the feelings subsided and I was sleeping again. However, I began waking in the early hours of the morning for no reason and my head was so full of thoughts that it felt like it would explode.
I have always been what you would call an over-thinker, but this was something else. I couldn't turn off at all!
I began to feel hopeless, I was so sick of this negative feeling. I was so low and I couldn't tell why. I have a great life and, thankfully, nothing traumatising has happened to me - so WHY?
Was it just a call for attention?
The thought of suicide even came to mind fleetingly, I found that so unbelievably frightening that I became scared of my own thoughts. I know that people commit suicide...but me?!
I felt terrible, but also numb and unfeeling at the same time.
I was crying almost every day, but even that seemed like it was an effort, like I was forcing the tears from my eyes.
For an absolute cry-baby like myself, this alone was very unsettling.
I couldn't keep it from my family for long, it all came out and everyone, especially my mother got very upset. It made me realise how wrapped up I had been in myself lately, my terrible thoughts and the numbness had become so normal that I didn't think about how it affects those around me,
My family had noticed my red and tired eyes, the fact that I was eating next to nothing and not sitting at my laptop doing University work like I had been for the past two years during semester time.
Time dragged, a month felt like a year and something as small as smiling became a difficult task.
I felt everything slipping away from me, but powerless/unwilling to do anything about it.
To cut this long story short, I am not out of the woods yet, but I am better.
Just learning that I had something that is a known illness, rather than just me losing my mind helped me so much. I remember the day when I linked what I was feeling to depression in a passing thought and looked up this article.
People use the word "depressed" so casually in daily conversation that it is almost forgotten that it is a real illness.
I wasn't alone and neither are you if you are going through stuff like this.
I decided to share some "Do's and Don't's" on dealing with depression from my research and experience. [I am so sorry for those misplaced apostrophes, but those words do not look right without them for some reason!]
I was helped by others and I want to try and do the same!
-
"I'm finding it hard to care about anything these days. In fact,
the only thing I do care about is the fact that I don't care
about anything. Seriously, it worries me."
- 'Wanted' (2008 film).
[This quotation is obviously slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I think it explains the feelings of depression quite well].
"I feel thin...sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."DO
- Bilbo Baggins: LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring.
- Make a list of what you are thankful for in your life - This can be anything. Family, friends or pets. It can also be the tiniest of things, your back garden or that picture you took with your friends so long ago. This may be a hard task when you are feeling the way you do, but please try. You need to think of all the positives you have to distract yourself from that negative weight on your shoulders. Put it on your wall, look at it.
- Make a list of things you want to achieve within the next year - Yes, another list! I know it may feel like you can't even face tomorrow, let alone make plans for the next year...but writing it down and looking at it will help over time. You need to give yourself goals to help make that difficult tomorrow more manageable. They don't have to be huge things, maybe just: "I will meet that person" or "I will visit that place". Put it on your wall, look at it.
- TALK ABOUT IT - I cannot stress enough how important this one is. You may feel like talking is pointless, that it won't help you. but that is NOT TRUE! I have a few select people that I talk to about it, I also see a counsellor once every few weeks.
Keep in mind that not everyone will be understanding or able to be that listening ear for you. For example, I talk to my father and brother, but try to steer clear of confronting the topic with my mother and sister. That is just how it is, I don't think any less of them for it. Whoever it is, be it a family member, friend or counsellor. You need someone in your life right now who is able to listen and support you. - Socialise - What do you feel like doing most days? Curling up in bed alone and shutting the world away? Yep, I know. But once again I am telling you to do the complete opposite. No matter how bad you are feeling, no matter how undeserving you may feel right now - you need friends around you. Call them, message them, go out with them to eat. Humans need company and this will work wonders for you. You may not feel it at first, but keep it up. You don't have to tell them what you are going through if you don't want to...I sometimes call up one of my friends and we moan about the everyday things or chat about what we have been doing lately. Everyone needs this kind of chatter in their lives.
- EAT and eat healthily - Firstly, you need to make sure you are eating. You may not have any appetite, but you will only feel even worse and get ill if you don't. There was a point where I wasn't eating much for a couple of weeks, I realised how selfish I was being - making my mother worry so much. So, I resolved to eat for fuel, I ate lots of fruit and vegetables, wholemeal bread and fish as I knew that was the good stuff. I began to feel a little bit stronger from it, in turn it made me feel better.
You may feel like eating nothing but junk food when you do eat in an effort to make yourself feel better, but don't go there as, again, you will just feel worse. After that sugar high comes the low, which will make you very low if you are already near rock-bottom. Of course, try to keep all caffeine at an absolute minimum for the same reason. You also need that 8 hours of sleep, or at least as much sleep as you can get while going through this. - Exercise - I know, I'm sorry for bringing this up, but it has been scientifically proven to lift people's spirits thanks to the release of endorphines it provides. Admittedly, I hardly exercise at all - cannot stand it as I'm dreadfully lazy. However, when I do - I try to make it fun. I dance around crazily with my sister, trying and failing to learn K-Pop choreography or I chase my dog around the living room. Going out for walks can work wonders too, you can stretch your legs and clear your unbelievably busy mind while getting some fresh air. Again, you may not feel the benefit straight away, but make it a habit and you will see.
- Take up a hobby - The best thing I find is to keep yourself busy! When feeling like this, you can end up feeling like every day is the same and completely monotonous. The best way to break that is to take up a brand new hobby. It doesn't have to be expensive - something like painting or origami - whatever takes your fancy! For example, I am considering taking up baking and can't wait to see what I a mess I can make.
- Record your feelings - I think it is important to get those feelings you are having out into the world in whatever way you can. I have an old purple book that I keep just for this. My family know that it is private and for my eyes only unless I say otherwise. You need a space where you can be 100% honest and unafraid of judgement. My book is filled with my hectic scrawlings, most of which when I am at my lowest. Once I get my feelings down, I feel like I can release them and move on. If you are not fond of writing, you could try recording your voice on your phone or even drawing/painting them out.
- Cut yourself off from everything - You may not feel like listening to the music on your iPod or catching up with the television programmes you used to watch, but make time for it. There were times when I watched Korean variety programmes - the ones I used to love so much - and think: "I don't even care enough to watch this anymore". Luckily, my sister was there watching them anyway, so I continued to be exposed to them. Slowly, I began to laugh a bit more again and enjoy them, get excited about next week's episode. There are still times when I would rather shut myself away, but it's not as strong now. My main point is, try to indulge in everything you can, even if you don't feel like it. If you cut yourself off from things, your recovery will take that much longer.
- Let yourself indulge in the negative feelings - This is a very hard thing not to do. When you are sitting there, thinking about how low you feel, you can fall deeper and deeper into it and it can be a bit of a slippery slope. It's essentially that kind of sulking and feeling sorry for yourself, we all do it from time to time (believe me, I certainly do). You need to remember that depression feeds on itself and you can end up making yourself feel more depressed when you keep thinking about how depressed you are (I know, the human mind is weird!) This is why I am constantly pushing the general idea of getting out and distracting yourself. Think and act as positively as you can - you will realise you have stopped trying after a while because it will come naturally again. Honestly!
- Blame yourself - This stuff happens to everyone to some extent. 1 in 4 people suffer with some kind of depression during their lifetime. It is an illness, it is just harder because it is one you cannot physically see. In any case, it is not your fault. I'm sure you would stop feeling this way if you could, otherwise you wouldn't even be looking at articles such as this one!
- Put pressure on yourself to feel better - Everyone around me was saying that I should give myself time, but deep down, I kept think that I would wake up the next day feeling completely better. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Your biggest ally is time, so that's what you need to give yourself. You will get there eventually.
- Think that you are worthless and give up - I know how trapped and frustrated you can feel. You might have thought about hurting yourself, maybe even committing suicide. Don't you dare.
You have had an affect on people's lives: Your mother who gave birth to you, those friends you were badly behaved with in school, even that person you let in front of you in the queue at the supermarket. You are etched into the memory of everyone you know now, and to snatch yourself away from them is - quite frankly - selfish. You may feel like no one in the world cares for you, but just take a moment to think about how your death would truly affect the people around you. To use a cliche, a death is like a pebble thrown into a still lake, the pebble will simply sink straight down and settle, but the ripples and vibration will continue to affect the etire lake around it. - Try self-diagnosis on the Internet - But wait, you are on the Internet now, right?! :P But really, please try to refrain from looking at things like Yahoo Answers for solutions and cures to ANY kind of illness of ailment. If you have to, make sure the source you are reading from is a reliable one, such as the NHS official website or Time to Change (which has a great website specifically about many mental health issues).
I hope this post will help people like reading and hearing about others' experiences helped me. Once I found that I was not alone in how I was feeling, a little bit of that weight lifted from my shoulders.
Depression, like many other mental issues will never fully go away in that it will always be a part of you, but I also believe that it is something that always was in the people that suffer with it. You may find that and it may be something you need to accept about yourself. It's only now when I look back on my life that I realise that I have always been a sufferer of mild anxiety and low points (not constantly or to this extent though obviously!)
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”
- Stephen Fry.
Remember, even if these tips don't all work for you, there is plenty of other options out there for you. Everyone is different and even if you try things and they don't work out, it doesn't mean that you need to be carted of to the madhouse in a straight-jacket!
Doctors are always there for you too, and they should always be sought for professional advice and solutions. They won't force-feed you anti-depressants - they only offer as an option. It is always your choice to take them, or stop them as and when you want.
(Incidentally, I am currently on Citalopram - it's not that bad!)
Admittedly, even I need to follow my own advice. This is not easy, but it all you can do to try your best at it. :)
No one can fight this battle for you, but you are most definitely not in this alone!
“Do you think I've gone round the bend?"
"I'm afraid so. You're mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
- Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland.
[All that is written here is 100% my personal opinion and advice, I am not a doctor of any kind and I don't pretend to be even though it sounds fun. I would just like to help people that are having similar experiences as me :D]
[Sources: attributed within article].
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