Saturday 13 April 2019

The Importance of a Parent’s Acceptance of their Child’s Disability

- You can also read this piece on The Mighty website. Click here! -

A child being diagnosed with a physical or learning disability is undoubtedly a difficult time for all involved. As a parent, it is understandable to feel devastated, confused, worried and generally overwhelmed by it all. However, there is something you can do that will help your child immensely – work to accept it.


Growing up with cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia), I know how important it is to have parents that accept the fact that I am disabled. I am quite sure they were upset when I was diagnosed, though they have never let on to me. As I grew, I was instilled with positivity and resilience. They allowed me to try, to push myself and give everything a go.

The early years of my life were filled with their battles to get me the help I needed, and I can tell by the countless letters stored away that it was indeed a battle at times.  As a parent of a child with additional needs, you are often required to fight for what you and your child needs. It can be incredibly frustrating and requires a lot of persistence on the parents’ part, but it is necessary. If you have not accepted your child’s disability though, these battles will not even begin, no matter how worthwhile the end goal is.

My parents were able to strike the balance fairly well between getting me the help I needed, while hanging back enough to let me grow. I tried stuff out and, while I have inevitably come across physical difficulties, it didn’t stop me from doing many things. I don’t think it has always been easy for my Mum and Dad, they are naturally very protective (of my able-bodied siblings too), and my disability likely made it even harder for them to let go at times. It wasn’t always plain-sailing either, we often butted heads during my teenage years when I wasn’t allowed to do things like get the bus alone etc.

When I think back though, a large part of my childhood was spent not feeling any different from others my age. That was likely due to my parents’ acceptance. You might think that accepting your child’s disability will do the opposite of this, but it really doesn’t have to. Accepting it does not mean you begin wrapping your child in cotton wool or treating them like an alien, it just means you do your best to help your them in the way that they need it and help them feel as ‘normal’ as possible.

I have come across a few parents that seemingly have not reached that acceptance. They have not sought the help that has been available, meaning that things are usually more difficult than they have to be. I have also found most prominently of all, that children with parents that do not accept their disabilities often do not accept it themselves. After all, how can a child grow to be happy with themselves, if their own parents cannot help but resent the cards they have been dealt?

Please understand, I am not saying that accepting disability is easy, and it certainly does not happen overnight! I am also fairly sure that many parents ‘fake it until they make it’ in the sense that they still feel devastated, but want to present their best attitude to their children. Remember though, a disability does not mean your child cannot go on to live a happy and fulfilling life – and you play a huge part in that.

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