- You can also read this piece on The Mighty website. Click here! -
A child
being diagnosed with a physical or learning disability is undoubtedly a
difficult time for all involved. As a parent, it is understandable to feel devastated,
confused, worried and generally overwhelmed by it all. However, there is
something you can do that will help your child immensely – work to accept it.
Growing up
with cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia), I know how important it is to have
parents that accept the fact that I am disabled. I am quite sure they were upset
when I was diagnosed, though they have never let on to me. As I grew, I was
instilled with positivity and resilience. They allowed me to try, to push
myself and give everything a go.
The early
years of my life were filled with their battles to get me the help I needed,
and I can tell by the countless letters stored away that it was indeed a battle
at times. As a parent of a child with
additional needs, you are often required to fight for what you and your child
needs. It can be incredibly frustrating and requires a lot of persistence on
the parents’ part, but it is necessary. If you have not accepted your child’s
disability though, these battles will not even begin, no matter how worthwhile
the end goal is.
My parents
were able to strike the balance fairly well between getting me the help I
needed, while hanging back enough to let me grow. I tried stuff out and, while
I have inevitably come across physical difficulties, it didn’t stop me from
doing many things. I don’t think it has always been easy for my Mum and Dad,
they are naturally very protective (of my able-bodied siblings too), and my
disability likely made it even harder for them to let go at times. It wasn’t
always plain-sailing either, we often butted heads during my teenage years when
I wasn’t allowed to do things like get the bus alone etc.
When I think
back though, a large part of my childhood was spent not feeling any different
from others my age. That was likely due to my parents’ acceptance. You might
think that accepting your child’s disability will do the opposite of this, but
it really doesn’t have to. Accepting it does not mean you begin wrapping your
child in cotton wool or treating them like an alien, it just means you do your
best to help your them in the way that they need it and help them feel as ‘normal’
as possible.
I have come
across a few parents that seemingly have not reached that acceptance. They have
not sought the help that has been available, meaning that things are usually more
difficult than they have to be. I have also found most prominently of all, that
children with parents that do not accept their disabilities often do not accept
it themselves. After all, how can a child grow to be happy with themselves, if
their own parents cannot help but resent the cards they have been dealt?
Please
understand, I am not saying that accepting disability is easy, and it certainly
does not happen overnight! I am also fairly sure that many parents ‘fake it
until they make it’ in the sense that they still feel devastated, but want to
present their best attitude to their children. Remember though, a disability
does not mean your child cannot go on to live a happy and fulfilling life – and
you play a huge part in that.
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